Dear Mom,

I sincerely apologize for calling you stupid in such general terms, but let me finish. The knowledge you've acquired over your years may be plentiful, this I wholeheartedly agree with, but your mind has hardly broadened in that time. You've convinced me that you are ignorant and I find that to be the most selfish and disgusting possible way to live your life. You believe God is there, blind to all the other theories that have surfaced that suggest otherwise. While that does prove your faith as a believer of God, you also must be accepting of everyone's opinions even though you might disagree. I find those theories believable. Because of this you question my heart, soul, and faith? I naturally doubt all that has to do with this "man", but this does not mean I am spawn of the devil.

You can pretend, but I'm aware that you have never accepted me or my way of life. Yes, I have rebelled. You've expected too much of me and when I don't meet those expectations... I am a failure. So why put in my best effort when I know, in your eyes, I will crash and burn anyway? I've told you to simply "give up" and you haven't. I will be your definition of responsible when all my responsibilities lie solely on my own shoulders. That means no reminders, no questions, no pressure, and most importantly: no degrading comments. I'll be eighteen years old in ten months, but that's not when I'll be an adult; I graduate in eight months. I'm sure my father has already informed you of my plans to move out. However, my mind has changed since then. I will not only be moving out, I will be moving away. And yes, mom, right now it is because of you.

I do not want to spend the last months of my life in this household disgusted with you. I do not want to love you because I have to, I'd prefer to love you because I want to. I am not a child. I grew up and developed my own opinions and my own views this past year. So naturally, your knack of treating me like one is among the biggest annoyance of everything I have to deal with. I need you to realize that it's time to transition into being less of a mother and more of a friend, because I now need your support, not your guidance. The parenting style you've stuck with my high school years is not healthy for someone who is about to be out in the world all by herself. Someone who will not have anyone to tell her she can't go to that party, to a friends house on a school night, to go hang out with a boy, or when she should come home Saturday night. No one will be there to tell her when to eat, when to sleep, or how she should go about getting her homework done. If I were anyone else, the way you've raised me and locked me up would eventually corrupt the good girl I am when I move away. Studies have proven exactly this.

I've kept my little sister in mind and the image of myself I have created for her. She obviously has no trouble when it comes to schoolwork, but if she is anything like me when it comes to the more important and life altering decisions I've had to make as a teenager, I will be thankful. And then, then she will be that angel.

I'd prefer for you not to initiate a conversation about this. I choose to write. A conversation will morph into an argument and I will say things that are blunt and indescribable with my voice. Madness will come over me and I will most likely never get this deep with you again.

This is not meant to hurt your feelings. I am not one of those people that throw the low blows. I do not write this to make you cry or to twist your stomach in a knot. Just like your comments on my make up, my clothes, my hair, my interests, and my "questionable" intelligence aren't intended to hurt me, either, right? I have struggled in attempt to try to belong to you. I can't do that until you open your eyes, your mind, and your arms to accept all that I am. All 100% of what makes me... me.

With the all love you force me to muster,
Chelsea